Animal BnB

Bison House copy.jpg

Bison’s Cabin

The mountains outside of Bison’s place were literally calling, which is romantic on a poster but pretty aggravating in person.”

Mantis House copy.jpg

Mantis’ Condo

“She didn’t eat me. Five stars.”

Humpback House copy.jpg

Humpback’s Castle

“I thought this was a sperm whale, not a humpback whale, and definitely not a sperm bank! Gosh, I got so pregnant.”

Lemur House copy.jpg

Lemur’s House

“Lemur’s hut is extremely isolated in the tamarind trees. There are plastic bags for mosquito netting, and a hole in the wall for the bathroom. Not in the floor. In the wall.”

Penguin House copy.jpg

Penguin’s Place

“The ice in your drink never melts. Ever.”

Flamingo House copy.jpg

Flamingo’s Patio

“At flamingo’s there isn’t actually any bedroom or bathroom…or shelter of any kind. I got so sunburned I look like a deep friend empanada.”

Llama House copy.jpg

Llama’s Sanctuary

“Frigid mountain water trickles through a crack in the rocks, and the bed is a slab of ancient stone. Llama’s place was so authentic!”

Walrus House copy.jpg

Walrus’ Compound

“The beds are made out of blubber and the floors are heated by electrically converted seal barks.”

Rhinoceros House copy.jpg

Rhino’s Rehab

I was forced to go to Rhino’s rehab. You sleep on raw hide, eat dry grass, and swim the moat for 3 hours every day.”

Sloth House copy.jpg

Sloth’s Sleep Den

“Sloth’s place is a napping harem. Inside there are a hundred cots lined with pillows, ear plugs, and bottles of codeine.”

Rooster’s Roost

“Where’s the bathroom? Are you supposed to poop in the straw?”

Pelican’s Shacks

“Pelican’s place is a pelicatessan of sweet waves."

Marmot House copy.jpg

Marmot’s Longhouse

“Marmot’s sweat lodge purged my soul of all its earthly demons and left me cleaner than an angel’s ass cheeks.”

Panda House copy.jpg

Panda’s Pagoda

“The menu at Panda’s is a little sparse - bamboo three meals a day.”